Crystal Dive Resort, Koh Tao

I'll start with the negatives before saluting this lovely, lovely island.  It begins like this: I have never been more disappointed with a Lonely Planet recommendation, and LP's let me down a lot in the past.

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Notes from the paper archive 17/8/11

Crystal Dive School. Fecking piece of shite. 

From the lies their staff told us in Koh Pha Ngan--late wake ups! early pickups! no hidden fees!  great rooms on the resort!  to our homophobic man-hating dive instructor to our 'room'--a three-bed jobbie above a used book shop with a window that leads to the kitchen of the Thai family we stayed with, the cockroaches and black mold in the 'shower'--a nozzle that hangs askew sort of off the wall, the mattresses--two with springs jutting sharply into our backs and one as hard as a brick to its 'security' measures which leaves me carrying around my passport and Thai baht onto dive boats instead of leaving anything here...

Did I mention that a Thai man disguised our room as the toilet and walked in an hour ago, at about roughly 1am? Did I mention we've already argued with the Crystal Dive School staff and their unequivocal message has been--'well you're just lucky to have accommodation!' Rudely.

and you'd never know from initial glimpses...

I wouldn't normally argue. I'm usually quite sedate. I don't like making a scene.  But we paid good money to stay in a place that's meant to have beds we can sleep on, a clean toilet and air con.  We can't even open the windows--three Thai men are sitting outside the window eating their late dinner.  The only problem is that it's 38 celsius outside. 

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This little problem only resolved itself after 20 solid minutes of Nick screaming, shouting and yelling at every possible staff member at Crystal.  We were granted the privilege of paying a lot more money to stay at the actual dive resort hotel. With air conditioning, an infinity pool and three beds that were sleep able.  Lovely. New digs:

But don't let this fool you.  The staff are slippery and the price is a lot more expensive than is initially advertised.  Staff especially made a big deal of their 'Lonely Planet Recommended Pick' section in the book...but boo! Crystal Dive Staff...boo!  False Advertising...boo!

Thank goodness this says absolutely nothing about Koh Tao itself.