On Long Distance

I am no stranger to the long distance relationship—the weepy, protracted airport farewells; the gnawing doubt about the next reunion; the learning to be just one in a space that once occupied two.

There are some days when the whirlwind of foreign adventure sweeps you off your feet and traipsing the city from dumplings to market to impromptu street parade makes the distance worthwhile.  Adventure often justifies the decision to pick up your life and pack your bags to a faraway foreign nation rendering you a phone call away from the people you love—friends, family, significant others alike. You almost forget the first few difficult weeks where you knew no one and were convinced that it was all a mistake.

At the end of the day, you are an independent human being. Long distance relationships/living provides a lot of time to be exactly who you are. Sex and the City coined the idea of ‘secret single behaviour’, those things you can only do when you’re home on your own, things that a significant other might not necessarily understand.

I’m not sure I have any overtly secret behaviours like Carrie, et al. but there are things that I love about living on my own.  A lazy cup of coffee whilst stretched diagonally across the bed, beans on toast as a classy meal because I just can’t be bothered to cook, leaving my shoes anywhere, everywhere.  And there’s a real joy in waking up at 5:45am and turning on all the lights and blasting my music instead of watching with increasing rage as Paul mini-snores under the covers until his 8:30am alarm goes off. It’s jealous quasi-rage but rage nonetheless.

But do not be mistaken. In my own far too proud independent feminist ways, I am hiding a tiny little empty space. I am not lying on the couch in a fug of depression sighing the days away.  But still. The tiny little empty space persists.

China sometimes takes this to a new level. Some days the Internet is great and you forget about the Great Firewall. But then there are some when you sit on a Skype line with a more-than-shitty Internet connection, voice that doesn’t project and a video screen that doesn’t work and you cry your whole way through a series of instant messages.

So for me, long distance is a fight against the tiny empty space. It’s about reconciling my need for adventure and my love for a renally challenged Anglo-Italian. Of course the girl who’s a flight risk falls for the medically grounded man boy. Of course.