Taipei

Taiwan. Tibet. Tiananmen. Somewhere in my youth, I remember my not particularly political father reciting this phrase as the three Ts you don't talk about in the company of Chinese diplomats. As if that were a situation I would encounter on a regular basis. But even typing this phrase has set my internet connection aquiver. I'm not kidding; my access to Western internet via quasi-legal means seems to have shaken the roots of the Great Firewall.

As such, Taiwan becomes my first contentious country listing. It's a country that's not a country. Unrecognised by the UN and claimed under the umbrella body of The Republic of China, Taiwan is a very large island with its own governing body and free elections, its own passports and its own unique heritage. It's China except polite. And clean. With a lot less spitting. It's greener and foggier with a lot of lazily falling drizzly rain--think the British isles (isle?) but with chopsticks, night markets and a sea of dark-haired people.

The tension and politics are wide-ranging and rooted in the power struggle of a Chinese civil war and pre-WWII imperialism on the part of several nations. There's nothing outwardly tense about Taiwan but I'm not the holder of a Taiwanese passport trying to enter or travel through the Chinese mainland. Because that causes some drama. As part of a school trip, a student of mine tried to leave Shanghai to enter another part of China on her Taiwanese passport. A forty minute pantomime and scolding later, she was sent on her way.

My friends and I experienced none of these dramas on a weekend hop from Shanghai. Flying with China Air, we were wheels up, wheels down and into the city centre in about three and a half hours. Our two taxis weaved down tiny lanes of lit up signs and around market vendors selling noodles, coffee, obscene-sized Taiwanese sausages.

 Over the course of the weekend we took a leisurely (and cheap!) pace at exploring the sights. A trip to Taipei 101, briefly the world's tallest tower punctuated our need to eat dumplings in the original Din Tai Fun, a Taiwanese restaurant chain with the best tiny parcels of steamed vegetables, fish and meat.

In our quest for dumplings, we found more lanes, restaurants and quirky shops you'd associate with Asian culture. Thinking back on it, many of our missions revolved around food. Hours later, we took to the streets to find Taipei's favourite pastime, the Night Market. Weaving through throngs of bodies at Shilin Night Market, we encountered oyster pancakes, pineapple products and myriad unidentified deep fried dishes.

We washed it all down with a trip to what's promoted as Taipei's diviest dive bar, That Fucking Place. As we weaved our way up a non-descript set of wooden stairs and into a hot box of smoke, gangster rap and tattooed Taiwanese trendies, I realised that I'm far too old to accept buzzfeed article recommendations. The 'bar' resembled house parties of my college days with vinegary wine also resembling the finer tastes of my college days. From our perch on a set of sofas, we witnessed the emotional meltdown of a bear-sized man as he tripped his way through the emotions of: rage (trying to rip the teeth out of his mouth); abject self-loathing (trying to put his cigarette out on his hands); remorse (dry heaving onto the table); anger (bursting into tears and wailing when his friends refused to let him leave); and finally, resignation (passing out on the couch with a resounding snore). He illustrated Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's stages of dying perfectly. When he eventually left the bar, we took it as our cue to leave too. Besides, the rap off between us and a group of trendies was getting out of hand; they were hardly alive when Biggie and Tupac were busting their tunes and we were clearly going to have to battle.

The next morning we regrouped for a wander through the flower market and a taste of the city's famous beef noodles on Yongkang Street, a leafy lined area boasting antiques (which we saw none of) and boutiques (which we spent too much money in). In far too short a time, we made our way back to the airport for the wheels-up, wheels-down game.

So as far as contentious country listings go, be afraid of Taiwan. You might eat yourself to death in a fug of noodle soup and oyster pancakes whilst a trendy dances over to you wanting to take your picture whilst practising his best gangsta English.